I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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