is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
