would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
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I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't put those talents on a resume
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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