if i can run in heels then i can drive
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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