break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
