drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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