I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
