May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
