Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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