We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
