she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
