I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
