Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
