yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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