1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
