they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
