i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
