so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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