i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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