You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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