if you like me you must not know who I am
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
