i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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