Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
