Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
