Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
