My cat gives me a boner
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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