I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
