you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
