He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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