Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize