Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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