If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
