last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
