Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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