but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
