My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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