she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
