i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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