What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
