Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
smell my finger.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
