Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
