People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
