I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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