If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
