i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
