i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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