And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
