Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
