OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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