ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
organizing the empties. That sober.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
