Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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