I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
