a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
