You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
