Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
