I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she told me i tasted like america
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
