tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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