Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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