It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
