My friends, they love my intelligence
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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