This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
