I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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