It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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